The Funnies, Jokes, Pics & more

A married couple of 25 years was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.
It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back.
He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach.
He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf.
Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg.
He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, 'Honey, that was wonderful. Why did you stop?'
"I found the remote", he mumbled

More One-Liners

Joke of the week: 6th April, 2008

If at first you don't succeed, re-define success.
One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people!
It's too bad that stupidity isn't painful.
Turning the other cheek ensures two bruised cheeks.

Woody Allen Quotes

Joke of the week: 30th March 2008

1. "Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons."
2. "I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government."
3. "There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?"
4. "Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions."
5. "A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'."
6. "Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats."
7. "I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens."
8. "I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose."
9. "If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans."
10. "The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have."

More Things to Ponder

Joke of the week: 23rd March 2008

Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?

Signs That You Are Too Drunk

Joke of the week: 16th March 2008

Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.
Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
That damned pink elephant followed me home again.
I'm as jober as a sudge.